Disppointed and feeling hurt.....

Disappointed with People and feeling hurt.....Sometimes I wonder why?

Beautiful Dream

Last night or early this morning, I had such a beautiful dream.

In my dream, I took a bus to visit Lani, as the bus passed by Kapala Batas, the paddy had turned golden and some with a little of red and pink, and ready for harvest. I did not bring my camera, so I told myself that I have to come back the next day with my camera.

In Lani's garden, there was a big Buah Ramleh's tree and it was full of fruits. We just stood under the tree, reached out to the fruits and ate. Surprisingly, although it was not sweet but it was not sour like how Buah Ramleh should be too.

The next day when I went back to Lani, Lani asked me how I cook my pumpkin curry because it seem Andrew loves it very much. Then I took Ti-jin and Li-Ann to Kapala Batas but unfortunately the paddy fields were covered by flood water and the other side of the field was very rocky. Nevertheless, it was beautiful, so Li-ann and myself took lots of pictures. By the time we were ready to go home, we could not find Ti-Jin, he ran off with all his friends.

It was a very long dream, and I am going to spare all the details. The only thing I can remember was the colourful paddy field  and the beautiful scenery. I got to see it again just before I got up because the flood water had subsided. Oh yes, I though I saw Boon stood in between the rocks but when he walked toward me, it was  someone else.

Posted on 28th of April 2012 @ 6am.

Battambang now and then

I wonder why I am still so awake at this hour, it is 2.30 am now and I don't feel sleepy at all.  I suppose there are too many things in my mind. I wish I can put my thoughts on the blog but first I have to sort out my thoughts.

My main worry is of course Gems, we are looking into buying property so that we do not have to rent when the least is up in 2013. Rental for our school is quite cheap right now because we signed a 5 years least with the land lord but I am sure it is not going to be the same when the  least is up. Prices of rental and properties has gone crazy the last two years. I remember Battambang was a sleepy town, not many tourist and we hardly see any foreigners, ( we are the only few foreigners.) but now, we see them everywhere and there are plenty of  NGOs. No doubt it is good for the town, the businesses boomed because of that but also the prices of properties, especially rental.  Everyone knows that the foreigners can pay good money hence a house which has been collecting US$200/- per months has gone up to 400/-

My weight is my next concern, just like the price of the properties in Battambang, my weight is gaining steadily. I know I need to do something about it but too lazy and greedy, what am I going to do? sigh.....

Nowadays the weather is so hot that I refuse to get out of my room in the afternoon. Knowing that there are so many things I have to do and I have not done it but I keep putting them off...... sigh..... again.

posted on 27.04.2012 at 3am

Battambang now and then - transportation

This was taken in one of my early trips from Battambang to Siem Reap. My friend Jennifer was with me. This was also the beginning of my career as a tour guide. I remember the whole countryside was covered with dust and people had to close their face while cycling. The journey in the taxi was like riding a horse because the road was really bad. Pic taken in Feb 2005

If you look carefully, you can see that the background was bare and dusty.

Ti-Jin came and visited us in December 2009

December 2005, Lay Hua and Swea Yen came for Prema's graduation.

In the year 2006, the coal sellers used donkeys to delivered their coals but now you don't see the donkey anymore. they have upgraded their transportation to motorbike.

Relection 21/4/2012 - First day of Ridvan.

How long have I been a Baha'i? I declared as a Baha'i on the 11th of December 1970, that mean I am a 41 years old Baha'i.

Today is the first day of Ridvan. Again I got up by 4am, I noticed that the hour of me getting up in the morning is earlier now.  Sleep has become a problem for me, and because of that, I am always tire in the day.

Aching body is another worry for me, it is more frequent  now, it has become quite unbearable by the evening.

Now I know why fat people do not bother about their appearance, I have fallen into that category. Since I do not look nice in any cloth, I gave up dressing up. Anyway, it is hard to look good and feel good when one is tired and aching all the time. The weather also contribute to the factor.

I am reading a book of Stephen King now, the starting was good, but by middle, it has become so details and boring. Each time I open the book, I fall asleep after reading a few lines, was it because the book was boring or I am tired?

It is time to start the day now.

posted on 21-4-2012 at 4.50 am

reflection 19/4/2012

With the account done, garden cleared but have not decided what to plant, I started playing Scrabble in the afternoon with two unknown scrabble kaki and spent more time on FB than the last two days.

I ran out of wholemeal flour and walk all the way to UniED ( Kept my flour in their fridge ) and found the canteen was closed. sigh..... The weather was so HOT, although it was only 8.30 in the morning. By the time I reached UniED, it was only 10 minutes walk, my clothe was drenched in sweat. Tried to get someone to go and have breakfast with me in Eden but everyone seem to be busy.

Sat alone in Edan, ordered " Hungry man breakfast " in the menu, I was a hungry woman, but 4 eggs for breakfast was too much, so I requested for one egg but asked for more cheese. The breakfast was not as good as I expected

Battambang is so small, sure to meet someone when one sit down in the cafe. Sure enough, Lorn the artist came in. Had a chat with him for a while. Then Daisy and Alaine from CCT came in and joined my table., now I had companions for breakfast. :-) They are interesting people and lately they have been ordering two loaves of Breads from me every week. That was how I spent my Thursday's morning.

As I said, I played scrabble the whole afternoon and by evening I was sleepy and tired. Managed to bake a loaf of bread and one choc mud cake, since Prema is coming back tomorrow and she love the mud cake. I always make the mistake of turning it when it is still hot and part of the cake was stuck to the bottom. I know I must be patient and let the cake cool down a bit, but the kitchen was too hot and I wanted to go down to my room as soon as possible to escape the heat.

I started taking iced water bath again since yesterday. What I mean is I keep a bottle of water in the freezer all the time, take it out and put in the pile of bathing water when I want to take my bath. Keep the bottle back into the freezer after my bath. In this way, I can have iced water bath because the water from the tap is always hot.

What reflection is this? more like writing dairy for the last few night. Went to bed early last night and got up on the 20th morning at 4am and wrote this post.

It is 5 am now, time to go for my walk since the garden is done.

Reflection 18/4/2012

I was restless last night. Many dreams and funny that I dreamed of my uncle who was also my classmate. ( This can only happen for Chinese family, that your uncle can be younger than you.)
I dreamed of him and his brother, in fact he was the last person that I think who would come into my dream because I never thought of him for the last 40 years. I also dream of my father who passed away when I was 15 years old. I wanted to turn on the light to write down my dream but I know if I got up, I would never go back to sleep again.

Because of the restless night, I got up at 6.30am, too late to do my gardening. Ended up watching one movie after another. Feel bad for being unproductive. Whole body aching because have been sitting down the whole day.

There are many things to do but I am putting it off. This is my weakness and I know it, giving myself excuses every time. ....sigh.....

Reflection 17/4/2012

I am very proud of myself because I spent not more than one hour with my laptop. I hope I can get away from FB but that is the only way that I get connected with the world outside of Battambang.

Yesterday, there was a party opposite our school. the loud music started around 10 am and it blasted non stop until 7pm. People were celebrating New Year I think but new year is over 2 days ago. Here I thought I got over the loud music but this loudness really got into my nerve. Although I told myself not to get angry but I can't help it.

Today I got many things done. the plot of land is cleared and account is in the final stage. Next I should go to my Research paper.

Looking for a single bed for my room. took the Ikea catalogue to the cellcard office and ask the boys there for help as to where to buy a bed. They were very helpful and hopefully I can get a simple bed.

Oh ya, I finished the balance paints, painted the dirty spot in my room. Look funny because I tried to mix blue and a little of pink, the effect is funny but is okay, it covered the dirty spot.

Reflection 16/4/2012

Woke up at 5.30 as usual, did more than one hour of hard labor, dug out all the veg that have grown too old to be consumed. Clear the plot for the next planting.

As I was doing that, it got me thinking. This is a plot of very fertile land, I have planted many beautiful flowers and vegetables. But the last time when two UniEd students who learned about planting Crop and city gardening, they approached me, took over the gardening while I was away. They planted some Mustard seed and spinach. By the time I came back, they have abandoned the project, reason given was because someone told them that there were too many stones and nothing will grow there. Since then, I observed how these plants grown into bushes and got old and can not be eaten but I could not do anything about it because I was too busy.
Finally, I cleared the land today but now my whole right arm and my back are aching like hell.

Posted on 16-4-2012

If today is 16th then yesterday and day before that, I have written the wrong date on my post! How silly of me. :-)

bored but happy!

Played scrabble with # 3, losing all the time...sigh, going to sleep soon, goodnight the blessed grandma.

See how bored I am! :-) bored but happy, happy that i am back to blog again!

posted 15-4-2012

Reflection 15/4/12

Picture on the top - taken yesterday (look at the rubbish)
Picture at the bottom, same place last year!


Fancy how I changed (matured or whatever one like to term it)over the last three years!

The first year when I was here, I remember it was March 2005 and it was a fasting month. I could not get out of the house, I could not wear any shirt, just a sarong and I had to sleep under the fan the whole day.. ... why? because it was so hot.
By April 2009, I decided to settle down here, I bath 5 times a day with iced water and the minute I got out of the bathroom, I sweat profoundly. Can you imagine how others had to hear of my complains?
What happen this year during the fast? I worked, cooked, made cookies in the day for Naw Ruz, sweat and sweat but not so much complains and definitely not grumpy anymore.

Over the years, I am deaf to the noise outside, the deafening sound of wedding and death and the music from the gym next. I didn't realize that until one day, one visitor commented about the noise and I was not even aware of that.

What else that make me one of the Cambodians? oh ya, it is the rubbish. I don't bother picking up the rubbish out side of the school compound anymore. I was thinking that individual transformation can lead to social transformation. I am not so sure about it now that I am staying in Battambang. Having said that, I am still who I am, I still try my best to educate the teachers, the students and friends about cleanliness but beyond that, I gave up.

posted on 15.4.2012

To live an orderly life :

The house is quiet, it is school holiday now, Su Fang and Kim left for their home and Prema left for Philippines too. I shall have the whole house/school to myself. You see, I stay here, 1st and 2nd floor of the school building with Su Fang, Kim and Prema.

The town is quiet too, most of the road are deserted, shops are closed for today is Khmer New Year. It is a breeze walking to the market. Even the market is not busy.

I have been alone for the last few days (always surrounded by people, not that I don't like), I enjoy this peaceful and doing nothing type of life. I have been walking around, reflecting on my life, what I am going to do, who am I , where I shall go after this....

The first thing that came to me is I should stop Face booking. It has taken too much of my time.

Secondly, I shall go back to blogging. It has given me so much pleasure. I enjoy writing, I am going to write again. After the decision made, I have been walking around thinking of what to write and I realized that yes, so many things happen daily that give me joy and all of that worth writing down.

This morning as I opened my laptop, hoping to write something, my fingers automatically clicked on FB...sigh.... and I wasted many hours playing scrabbles, uploading photos.