My journey to the past ....PART 1,  DORIS TAN 

for the last two years, I have been thinking of the past and making an effort to trace back my journey since I became a Baha'i in 1970 December 11th.

I became a Baha'i not knowing much about the Faith, I remember I went to Seremban Bahai centre for Human Right Day celebration and an old China man gave me a card and I declared.

I got married in February 1971, no magical love story, Boon proposed and I accepted. We moved to Kuching in  early March the same year and stay till December 1972.

I was young, just turned 20 a few months ago, a new Baha'i.  Now thinking of it, my life is being planned by Baha'u'llah without me knowing. We rented a nice house in Rubber Road, 3 rooms upstairs, one downstairs, servant quarters at the back by itself, Fay was born here and surrounded and love by friends. 

Being an Airforce pilot, the basic salary is very low. We were given RM600 for rental, 50 for servant allowance and some flying allowance. We were not rich, enough. oh ya, we had to send monthly 200RM to Boon sister because she spent money for our wedding.

Doris Tan.... The first friend I met who was not a Bahai and till today still not a Bahai. She worked in Nafi, a duty free shop specially for armforecs personnels. later part of our live centred around her and her family. They adopted Boon & I, we got to meet her mum, her father left her mum and all of them for another women and didn't treat them well, no money to support them. Doris left school at very young age and took care of two younger sisters and a brother and a sick mother. Anyway, she sacrificed a lot for the family. one of Her sisters, Ronna got married and left to another state, unfortunately when she gave birth to her 2nd child, that useless husband brought a woman home. Doris flew there, pickup her sister and two kids and supported all of them. All this happen in 1971, now the two kids are grown up and to them they have 3 mothers, Doris, Shirley and their birth mother Ronna.

Doris & I met up for breakfast, Sept 2018

Doris,Shirley, Ronna & I taken in September 2018.

27th March 2025 

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To my dearest daughters,

I wanted to write about my childhood for a long long time but never get to do it because I felt inadequate. Now that I have so many encouragement from all of you, I think I will do it but not to publish.. (may be if you chance upon this after my death, if you think it is ineresting enough) then you may Publish it , but first check the spelling and the grammers. Also you may find the time and date all mixed up but you see, it has been a long time and some of the memories have been lost.

Let's see, I remember the wooden house very well, it was at the corner of the road that lead to the Siamese Kampong. We (my grandmother and her 4thf husband whom I call Ah there and me) stayed upstair and downstair was the rubber shop. My father started this shop and my grandpa who took care of the business and me.

You may ask why I stayed with my grandma instead of my parents, you see, Ah mah has so many kids, I am the 8th and she was vey sick when she was expecting me, so she left me in the hospital for whoever wanted me.(I learnt this only vey much later from a distant relative and not very sure if the story is correct) My grandma took me home and thus I am who I am today...

One of the reason why I wanted to write this is because I wanted you all the know the personn I love very very much, that is the man I called Ahthere. I seldom talk about him but each time I think of him, I can't help myself but cry, even now as I am writing this. I tried to write about him a few times but I ended up  crying. I missed him very much, more than I miss my father.

He was Malaysian Siamese, at least 20 years younger than my grandma. He was the one who took care of me...I could not remember the detail but what I remember my grandma was a gambler, she hardly cooked, what I remember was she steamed mince meet with egg for me nearly everyday, because that was the easiest to cook. AhThere could put me behind his bicycle and took me to the siamese Kampong to visit his sister every night after the shop is closed, he drank till he  got drunk. Sometimes we fell from the bicycle because he was too drunk and it was a secret between both of us,( my grandma would kill him if she find out) He pampered me, carried me and fed me till I was almost 6yrs old. my fiends used to laught at me because I still need to be carried where as they are allowed to run wild and swim at the river nearby the house.

Once I throw a tantrum because I wanted to swim in the river like all my friends, so one of the off day, he took me to the river (5 mints walk from the house but for the 6 yrs of my life, I have not been !) Then he put me in a sampang (small boat), used a bathing pail to scoop the water from the river and bath me, imagine my embaressment infront of all my friends !!!!! 

16-09-2006 1.35AM

my heart still pumping very fast!

3rd Nov 2010 1.10pm

As I am laying down typing this blog, my heart still pumping fast and I told myself I have to calm down.

Battambang is a test for me, or I should say Gems is a test for me. It tests my patience. Most part is the language, I have problems, big problem, My main problem is when no one understand me or when I don't understand them, then I get REAL ANGRY and can not control myself. Today was worst. The frustration is gone but I am still shaking.

Came back from class at 11.30, saw that the kids spilled the lunch everywhere on the mat, on the floor, the teachers were there eating and chatting without a care. Now that I take my lunch with them, I realized how wasteful the kids and the teachers.

After lunch I was told that the washing machine not working. Just for one day I let the cleaner wash the cloth and she overloaded all my cloth and Elyssa's until the machine can not even move.

All these months I saw a lot of dirty cloth around but I tried to close my eyes to it. Today I blew my top. I know it was the old maid that never wash the cloth properly but the new maid got the burn. After lunch, I asked her to wipe the mat that the children sat on, I have observed last few days they (old and new cleaners the same) they just dusted away the rice from the mat. She took the cloth and dutiful wipe the mat but the cloth was so dirty that I wash and wash and the colour was still black. Now looking at my palm, because of anger, I cut myself too. The next thing is Thavet too took a pc of cloth and hang up to dry. That was the time I started shaking with anger because he was the interpreter for me and the maid and I just told the maid to wash all the cloth and mop (you can imagine how dirty was the mop and I cut myself washing that)
after used, and here he is hanged up dirty cloth. I know the next instant, someone will take that cloth to clean the plates or the cups or the table.

I know the is the time I should detach myself from the school already. It is really bad for me and for the people working here. It is more to cleanliness that is frustrating, it is the language too and I have really big problem that I need to overcome.

Deep though and reflection on this Christmas Day

 25th December 2020

Christmas 💐💐 day.

As usual, woke up at 3am, played a few games, read an hour of ebook, checked and posted some pictures on instagram, read and left some comments on people’s posts on FB. By the times I realised it is 5am.

Time for me to wash up and have my fruits, preparing for my sisters’visit. But as I lay down in bed, thinking to myself, I have constant flow of visitors since I came back from Battambang. Came back on the 7th November, quarantined for 14days, moved around to different houses with my suitcases for two weeks, found myself an empty apartment, moved in and with the help of Grete, furnished it and finally settled in.

As I was thinking how blessed and fortunate I am, with beautiful, loving children who take good care of me, physically, emotionally and financially 😜😊. Sisters who are always there for me through thick & thin, sharing my struggles, sadness and happiness. Friends are there, caring, loving and supportive, they too filled my life with meaning and purposes.

Then it dawn to me that this blessings actually come from the Almighty. He is there to make sure that my life is colourful with all the people around me. 

From the time I got married, moved to Kuching, I am surrounded by friends. The first three friends I met on my first month in Kuching was Connie ,  Sok Hua with whom I have lost contact but with Kui Foong, the friendship is so strong, although we seldom meet (once in 10 years may be) , but the love we shared is always there. Then came Doris Tan and family, they embraced Boon and me , took us in as their family, included us in the family reunion during festive seasons.

It is 6am now, time to get up from my bed .......to be continued 😊

Adira and me!

Adira and me!



30th Oct 2010 9.30 pm

Everyday is an interesting day in Battambang. As usual, Saturday always start with Wody and me working in the garden. To day we had the help of Ridvan too. We tried burning the leaves but what can three ，inexperience Malaysian do, We finished one box of matches and management to burn a little only and all of us smell like smokes.

By the time we finished, Muklis has come to prepare for his lessons, so I invited all of the to join me for my famous pancake breakfast, they loved it.

Kavita and daughter, Adira came for late breakfast around 9 am and the breakfast turned into business talk. Now the deal is sealed, we are officially starting our Indian restaurant on the 5th of November, Deepaveli day. Kavita is the cook and she will come up with her own money too. I will help in keeping account and Elyssa is in charge of the marketing, getting the foreign crowd. We will approach Ridvan and Wody to sell drink. Oh ya, we even written down the menu already! Adira got so restless that I started entertained her with my Iphoto.

Spent a little of time with Facebook and went to KD for dinner with Alex and Elyssa. Wonder how a day passed so fast. tomorrow is another day.

Trip to Orendo

Up

To go or not to go, I battled with my concious for a long time with mixed feeling. I know they were "a bit" upset of me being away when they were all back for holiday, and I have not see them for some time and it seemed wrong to go away especially Zee and kids were going back to Vienna on that very same day. I am sorry about that but I am sure you all know me too well by now ! I am fine and healthy only when I am travelling, I am addited to it and it is in my blood !(just like smocking)

Vera - It is hard not to love her

5th June 2018

Another old post, this has to be at least 8 years ago when Vera visited me in Zena’s Gasing house.

let's see, when did I meet Vera ! May be 1971, she remembered every thing about our first meeting. It was in my place in Kuching and she came with two other friends (she reminded me yesterday but I had no clue at all) accepted the Faith then.. Left for UK soon after that and stayed in China and Macau for the last 17 years.

I remembered well when I next saw her after 1971 was 20 years later, in 1993 when I went to Macau. She was a small lady, I was not sure if I could recognized her after so many years, but no fear, she was still the same old small size lady. (She is still the same)

You must meet her mother, she was another remarkable lady that one will never forget. I met her in 1999 again after 28 yrs, she remembered Boon and me very well. She is kind and one of the warmest and purest soul I ever met. I always remember her "touchew" prayer asking Baha'u'llah to bless and protect everyone she know.... in her own words.

Vera, one must know her to love her, she is simple, kind of like a child, you can easily pass her by but once you know her, you will never forget her.

She is on her way to America to seek a new life and I sincerely wish her all the best.

Life is simple and I love it'e simplicity!

4th June 2018

It is not easy to blog, unlike before, I had only a laptop and a camera, after I transferred the photos to my laptop, then I posted them. very easy!
Now I have a smartphone that takes good and clear pictures, so much so that I am too lazy to take out my camera. In the end, the pictures get posted in Facebook only.
Let's face it, it is hard to write with smartphones, they are too smart, they auto spell your words, sometimes your sentences too.
Furthermore, with my fat fingers, instead of o, it goes to i, when I want an a, it goes to z. this was another reason why FB is easier.
Thirdly, with my failing eyesight, I can lay down, bring the phone very near to my face to read, write and post. with Laptop, I have to sit straight to type, I don't mind the sitting except then I can't see the words I type, I have to bring my face very near to the laptop,,,,can anyone imagine how uncomfortable it can be.

Okay, enough of excuses for being lazy, let's start to do serious blogging.

It is 7.53pm now. What have I done the whole day? Got up at 5am, checked my phone for messages, email and played one or two games. by then it was 6am. Went down to the kitchen, had some fruits, fed the fish in the pond (love that)
came in for breakfast. sat down at the table, realized that there are many messages, read the messages, wash up, went to the hammock, open my Ipad, watched a few episodes of drama. oh ya, I did walk around the house a bit, did a little of chores in between the drama, like washed up my breakfast dishes, watered the plants, a little sewing....the whole morning is gone. it seems like a relaxing morning, but I can assured you, it was not. Why not? let me explain.

As I had my breakfast, I had to find out some informations for Lani, forward air tickets details to Sak and Sokhom. clicked like to my friend's FB, left some comments, oh dear, my sticky fingers dirty my keyboard. looked for tissue to clean the keyboard, no more tissue, went upstairs to get the tissue, found out that I have not tidied my bed, after I tidied my bed, I came downstairs without the tissue, went upstairs again. right now it is 8pm, I still don't have any tissue on my table.....

Went to town in the afternoon to run some errands. Thanks to reliable Volake, she is like a daughter to me, she took me to the bank, waited for me, then did some shopping an....d then, we went to Swensen's, each had two scoops of ice cream..... life is simple and we are happy with the simplicity of life. Just two scoops of ice cream and we are so happy.

some friends came over for breakfast after the dawn prayer
at the temple yesterday

Nabil is the only child that comes every Sunday since I started my English class.
I felt sorry each time I cancel the class. So this time I didn't send him back.
Instead I turned on "Anne" the classic movie for him to watch.

Spring Festival !

3rd June 2018

Another Chinese New Year that I forgot to post.


My mother used to put the above items and a bowl of rice on the alter on new year eve. Every thing here has a symbolic meaning but only if you pronounce it in "Hokkien" The Pineapple is for prosperity, Manderine orange for "gold" the round fruits for good live when one is old, the red dates are for good fortune in the years to come !

We would like to wish all the loved one a happy, healthy, and prosper New Year

ll the kids lined up for Angpow!

Siblings

My eldest sister is 12 year my senior

First day of New Year

3rd June 2018

As promised, this draft was long overdue and now I am posting it. I am not sure which year  was that. :


Every Chinese New Year brings back memories of my childhood.
On new year eve, mother would open the safe, took out the gold jewelries and dawned it on us.
I had a ring sharped like a snake, the eye was a tiny piece of ruby, a pc of very big gold coin with the head of queen Elizabeth. another one with 3 pearls dangling in cages. and many bangles. All the above were given to me by my grandma

Now that mother is gone, my children are carrying our the tradition except we don't have any gold with us.
We get up early and prepare ourselves for the new year too.
















Family and friends came and wish each other. Here come #6 and her family.

Next came my cousin and her son

Brother and wife from Singapore.

He is always quiet, calm and happy , sitting there, observing us, enjoying the noises of the Chong Clan.

2nd June 201

Now that I have started, I spent the whole morning tidying up my drafts, there were almost 30 unpublished drafts,  I am not sure why I did not publish them, I am going to do it one by one over the next few days.

since I am here now, I shall start my post from today. Today's event started last night when Sokhom messaged me, asked if I needed any thing from town because he was going today. Am I making any sense here?Anyway I gave him a list of things to buy. He is going to make a good husband in the future, he came back with all the marketing stuff, chicken, vegetable, fruits, all  fresh and cheaper than how I used to pay.

 A new day is dawning. It was 4.30 am, the moon still shining through my window and I am wide awake, soaking in the quietness and peace this place offered.

The cleaner brought along her son? grandson ? no way for me to find out since I don't know a word of Khmer.

The  house is not really ready yet, there are still works to to done here and there

 sShe has been sitting there for hours, pretend to work when she see me staring at her.

 Our guest supposed to come at 7.30 for dinner  but was told by Sokhom that I asked them to come at 4pm. Luckily they know how to keep themselves occupied.

 I am not sure what he was trying to do.

 Sothearat and Sryta, they sure know what they were doing. without me saying anything, they cleared the cement bags and turned them into flower pots

 See what they did, I could never know what to do if leave it  to me, I would probably burn them like what I did before that.

 Simple dinner, kichap chicken by me and fried veg by Sothearat

 Hahaha, Sithat has a girl friend now and her name is Chan.

 Sryta camera shy

Here he is, Sokhom, I told him to let me know by 4 pm how many friends are coming. By 4pm, walked in Sreyta and Sothearat, followed by Sak and Sovan. they were told to come at 4pm by Sokhom....sigh.
Since they were early, I decided to bake a cake for Sothearat since yesterday was her birthday

Anyway, It is so hard to write, my creative juice just refuse to flow. let end the day with everyone happy with the dinner and the cake and the tea.