my heart still pumping very fast!

3rd Nov 2010 1.10pm

As I am laying down typing this blog, my heart still pumping fast and I told myself I have to calm down.

Battambang is a test for me, or I should say Gems is a test for me. It tests my patience. Most part is the language, I have problems, big problem, My main problem is when no one understand me or when I don't understand them, then I get REAL ANGRY and can not control myself. Today was worst. The frustration is gone but I am still shaking.

Came back from class at 11.30, saw that the kids spilled the lunch everywhere on the mat, on the floor, the teachers were there eating and chatting without a care. Now that I take my lunch with them, I realized how wasteful the kids and the teachers.

After lunch I was told that the washing machine not working. Just for one day I let the cleaner wash the cloth and she overloaded all my cloth and Elyssa's until the machine can not even move.

All these months I saw a lot of dirty cloth around but I tried to close my eyes to it. Today I blew my top. I know it was the old maid that never wash the cloth properly but the new maid got the burn. After lunch, I asked her to wipe the mat that the children sat on, I have observed last few days they (old and new cleaners the same) they just dusted away the rice from the mat. She took the cloth and dutiful wipe the mat but the cloth was so dirty that I wash and wash and the colour was still black. Now looking at my palm, because of anger, I cut myself too. The next thing is Thavet too took a pc of cloth and hang up to dry. That was the time I started shaking with anger because he was the interpreter for me and the maid and I just told the maid to wash all the cloth and mop (you can imagine how dirty was the mop and I cut myself washing that)
after used, and here he is hanged up dirty cloth. I know the next instant, someone will take that cloth to clean the plates or the cups or the table.

I know the is the time I should detach myself from the school already. It is really bad for me and for the people working here. It is more to cleanliness that is frustrating, it is the language too and I have really big problem that I need to overcome.