Reflection

Few months ago I was energetic, full of life, going north to Butterworth, south to Singapore, over the sea to Bali, going around, talking to friends, appealing for fund. I was happy, positive and working, writing to friends, doing my accounts.

Now I am listless, the land is bought, still owe almost USD 30,000/- to someone, waiting for the pledges to come in. I know I should send a gentle reminder to those who has forgotten about their pledges but instead, I play computer games to numb my feelings and my hurts.

Nowadays, the young one kept talking about life is not fair,  every now and then I hear so and so has gone in to depression and I wonder what is it I am feeling now. I wish I can use that excuse and do nothing or go away to some where where no one ever knows me. And yet I have to get up every morning, prepare breakfast, have breakfast, go down to the school, talk to the teachers, the parents, check the accounts, get angry with the inefficiency. I am the cleaner, the runner, the odd job workers.

I can joke about it but deep down who could understand me?